tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post5753390653444283554..comments2023-06-24T14:21:13.094+02:00Comments on AppleHouse Poetry Workshop: November Poetry Prompt - FireLynne Reeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-91857244525212066352009-12-08T22:22:05.910+01:002009-12-08T22:22:05.910+01:00Hello again bandit - sorry to be so long in gettin...Hello again bandit - sorry to be so long in getting back to you. I've just arrived back in France from South Florida.<br /><br />Yes, I think you've done all you can with this poem now... and I think you achieve what you want to say. Hope to see more posts from you in response to other prompts.<br /><br />Hello 3dsgifts - thanks for posting and good luck with your holiday sales.Lynne Reeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-43824500111713994082009-12-07T01:10:20.675+01:002009-12-07T01:10:20.675+01:00Water
Fountains
water fountains and rain drops ...<b><a href="http://www.3dsgifts.com/Water-Fountains_c18.htm" rel="nofollow">Water <br /><br />Fountains</a></b><br /><br />water fountains and rain drops on a tin roof<br />nothing can compare listening to the<br />tranquil sounds whistling in you ear<br />ease of night as the dawn appears the sounds <br />are oh so dear <br />take you off to that happy place in a dream,<br />you cant even find the angst to scream<br />fountains sooth and bring joy <br />pleasant for every girl and boy <br />take a tour dont miss out<br />3dsgifts will help you too<br />without a doubt.<br /><br /><b><a href="http://www.3dsgifts.com/Water-Fountains_c18.htm" rel="nofollow">Water <br /><br />Fountains</a></b>3dsgifts-n-thingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00599911702707632933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-20914771492989654492009-11-22T23:53:57.110+01:002009-11-22T23:53:57.110+01:00Maybe one last try...
new moon
for want of a myst...Maybe one last try...<br /><br />new moon<br />for want of a mysterious vision<br />sometimes i light a careless fire<br />to look longingly <br />beyond its heat and flame<br />never realizing<br />I could be consumed<br />become the offering<br />of a victimless pyre<br />to be engulfed<br />alone, forever searching...<br />is this which i really seek?bandithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04291863523347898783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-13533190285650521122009-11-17T12:32:16.094+01:002009-11-17T12:32:16.094+01:00hello again, bandit. No worries about taking up to...hello again, bandit. No worries about taking up too much space. I try and respond to people's poems as much as I can.<br /><br />Yes, I think 'could' works better here. But I'd still like to see something more 'particular' at the end of the poem. Perhaps it might be worth brainstorming around the words: 'victimless pyre' and 'engulfed' and 'what I seek' to find out what you really mean, what you 'see' in your imagination when you write them. Then that might help you communicate those ideas/things to a reader.Lynne Reeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-51021382595928170972009-11-17T00:40:40.583+01:002009-11-17T00:40:40.583+01:00A slight shift-almost thoughtless really-am I taki...A slight shift-almost thoughtless really-am I taking up too much of your space?<br /><br /><br />new moon<br />for want of a mysterious vision<br />sometimes i light a careless fire<br />looking longingly <br />beyond its heat and flame<br />never realizing<br />I could be consumed<br />become a sacrificial offering<br />a victimless pyre<br />to be engulfed...<br />is this which i really seek?<br /><br />I should comment on the others efforts-allow me to return, please.bandithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04291863523347898783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-11446776915035896072009-11-16T17:19:25.449+01:002009-11-16T17:19:25.449+01:00Hello, Stephen. Lovely to see you here.
I like th...Hello, Stephen. Lovely to see you here.<br /><br />I like this a lot. I do wonder though about the sudden turn in the emotional drive of this... because it ends on Peter's words the effect of those first two stanzas feels a little damped down. I suppose you could shift the 2nd stanza to the end... but that might be too predictable and what you were avoiding.<br /><br />But now I've had another thought!! If the poem was called 'Sparkler' then you probably would only need the first 2 stanzas. Too drastic?!!Lynne Reeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-27824739921922924692009-11-16T17:10:05.604+01:002009-11-16T17:10:05.604+01:00At first, it looked like snow.
Like a snow-fall, l...At first, it looked like snow.<br />Like a snow-fall, like<br />the frozen rain adrift<br />in my garden.<br /><br />I cried, a little, for the snow.<br />For memory of your leaving,<br />in November,<br />in snow.<br /><br />And then, there was little Peter,<br />waving from next door, over the hedge,<br />a sparkler in his hand.<br /><br />'Dad's thrown ever such a big log on the bonfire!<br />Come see!'Stephen Fryernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-18648348933139962962009-11-16T14:39:20.911+01:002009-11-16T14:39:20.911+01:00oh, Ms Rees, I'm afraid you have me hooked now...oh, Ms Rees, I'm afraid you have me hooked now-and in so kindly a manner.<br /><br />Let me work on this, please.bandithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04291863523347898783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-10414916993540199432009-11-16T11:16:03.145+01:002009-11-16T11:16:03.145+01:00Hello bandit - Nice to meet you and thanks for pos...Hello bandit - Nice to meet you and thanks for posting on AppleHouse.<br /><br />I feel really engaged by the opening of your poem (the first 4 lines) - I'm pulled in by the sense of search, want to find out what the fire might reveal. <br /><br />I wonder if 'supposition' might work better rather than direct statement here:<br /><br />never realising<br />I'll be burned in the process<br /><br />That feels too definitely stated for the mood of the poem.<br /><br />I think too that the last two lines could be stronger, perhaps some concrete detail to contrast with the reflection that comes before... something that the reader can really connect to through their senses - visual, sound, texture, scent, taste? <br /><br />Some ideas anyway.<br />Hope to see you again.Lynne Reeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-76797924800314524322009-11-16T02:46:25.615+01:002009-11-16T02:46:25.615+01:00I'll have a go:
new moon
for want of a myster...I'll have a go:<br /><br />new moon<br />for want of a mysterious vision<br />sometimes i light a careless fire<br />looking longingly <br />beyond its heat and flame<br />never realizing<br />I'll be burned in the process<br />to become engulfed<br />is this which i really seek?bandithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04291863523347898783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-14004003538277334792009-11-16T02:18:59.465+01:002009-11-16T02:18:59.465+01:00My goodness! An open forum-how generous!
Just loo...My goodness! An open forum-how generous! <br />Just looked in by accident...<br />I have a heck of a time writing longer than three or five lines, unless its haibun. <br />I'll have a look around, thank-you.bandithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04291863523347898783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-22337904903950106002009-11-14T11:12:18.264+01:002009-11-14T11:12:18.264+01:00Some great images here, Martin. I wondered if the ...Some great images here, Martin. I wondered if the shift in the middle of the first piece – super-powers to the kids choosing sweets – was a little too abrupt? <br /><br />And again, in your second poem: the imagery is startling and engaging. Perhaps the development could be clearer though. e.g., how essential is the information in the first two couplets to what the poem is doing as a whole?<br /><br />Hello Keith – I like the idea you’re working with here but wondered if the message could be less explicit? Perhaps show what happens and the effect that has on the environment/landscape/people rather than stating it in the last stanza?<br /><br />I love the energy of this, JPK. Perhaps you could lose the opposition of the ‘But’ in the middle of the poem? Continue with the strong statements and let the sense of ‘losing out’ to the fire be suggested rather than stated? <br /><br />I really like the opening to this poem, Mary Rose. It pulls me in, to the past, into a specific life. Perhaps take another look at the last stanza. A different stanza would complete the poem more effectively, I think.Lynne Reeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-53053167917399366172009-11-11T22:37:43.244+01:002009-11-11T22:37:43.244+01:00He loved a fire on winter evenings,
the logs he cu...He loved a fire on winter evenings,<br />the logs he cut are piled in the dry in his<br />purpose-built log sheds.<br />He’s been gone three years now and I don’t light a fire,<br />carry the heavy log basket filled with apple logs<br />which barely lasts an evening.<br /><br />I lit a fire only once last winter for a visitor <br />but she chose to sit too close to it<br />then complained of the heat.<br /><br />At Christmas I shall be sitting by Anne’s lovely log fire,<br />enjoying the sight and sound of it<br />and I shall love its heat but even more<br />the warmth of my lovely family.Mary Rosenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-73170192882348652762009-11-07T15:02:18.010+01:002009-11-07T15:02:18.010+01:00Fire in my mouth and fire in my throat and smoky h...Fire in my mouth and fire in my throat and smoky hot esters flaring my nostrils. <br /><br />I suck fire from a bottle's neck and fire fills my veins and fire<br />fills my brain and a hot red mist comes a-rolling over my eyes.<br /><br />I can shout,I can sing, I can dance and fight and fuck for the fire is filling me and purifying me and burning away the veneer. I am fearless and primal and I have discovered the fire and it has created me.<br /><br />But fire burns and then smoulders, it consumes me and cools and the embers darken so my head fills with smoke and my mouth fills with ashes.<br /><br />I choke at the taste of them.<br /><br />I am burnt and spent and have no more fire until tomorrow when I will break the seal again and let the fire run over me.JPKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10914052091356975176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-36165503852078732932009-11-06T20:01:03.049+01:002009-11-06T20:01:03.049+01:00REMEMBER REMEMBER
Autumn,
wellington boots, broll...REMEMBER REMEMBER<br /><br />Autumn,<br />wellington boots, brollies<br />chunky sweaters<br />and evergreen leaves turning brown.<br /><br />A million pyromaniacs light up the sky,<br /> children decorate their breath<br /> with sparklers,<br /> Guy Fawkes points fiery fingers<br /> and evergreen leaves<br /> shouldn’t<br /> be turning <br /> brown.<br /><br />Remember, remember<br />the fifth of November……..<br /><br />Remember, remember<br />next year<br />build the bonfire<br />further<br />from the tree.Keith Wallishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780087068444798682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-26808619034989832662009-11-06T17:04:39.238+01:002009-11-06T17:04:39.238+01:00Firestorm
Two atomic bombs
ended WWII.
There w...Firestorm<br /><br />Two atomic bombs <br />ended WWII. <br /><br />There were twenty-one years <br />between the great wars. <br /><br />I haven’t seen your face <br />in as many years.<br /><br />Still I hold a flame in my heart for you, <br />not a real flame, metaphorical. <br /><br />I have cut the piece that belongs to you out, locked it in a metal box <br />with snow scenes adorning the lid, your name etched in red lace. <br /><br />I set it adrift on the river <br />that floats to the back of my mind. <br /><br />There are many boxes there, many names, places, and situations<br />yours is the largest.<br /><br />I picture it resting on a small Island surround by its siblings <br />like fireflies crash landed on a nighttime beech. <br /><br />I wish I could vaporize the whole bloody lot in a firestorm, watch the heat build <br />to a crescendo, becoming a tornado engulfing everything in its path. <br /><br />The truth is maybe I miss the memory more then I miss you. <br />Maybe not.martin cordreynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-65524861651900248372009-11-04T13:44:19.680+01:002009-11-04T13:44:19.680+01:00Fire
My children curl their long, warm tongues ar...Fire<br /><br />My children curl their long, warm tongues around their red lolly’s, hot breath escaping like the roar of a fairytale dragon; before they were born, way back, a comet touched down in Mexico altering the super powers balance of superiority – these kids of mine fought violently over their choice of sweets, oblivious to the fact our suns making preparations to lick this planet with her fiery tongue. But not today!martin cordreynoreply@blogger.com