tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post8135904974279874486..comments2023-06-24T14:21:13.094+02:00Comments on AppleHouse Poetry Workshop: November Poetry Prompt - The SacredLynne Reeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-80592072344284493022009-12-14T22:02:33.796+01:002009-12-14T22:02:33.796+01:00Hi Martin - this definitely feels stronger for the...Hi Martin - this definitely feels stronger for the edits you've made.<br /><br />The only other thing I thought of was to make the title 'small bear'... but I'm probably being over picky. : )Lynne Reeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-35579726902264231892009-12-14T21:28:32.019+01:002009-12-14T21:28:32.019+01:00Small teddy bear
golden fur, they leave it
discr...Small teddy bear<br /><br />golden fur, they leave it <br />discreetly on their shelf<br />nibbled ears, they let dust <br />settle gently on his head<br />tartan ribbon, they both <br />kiss him goodnight<br />black lips, they leave him <br />too sleep in peace alone<br />beady eyes, they never <br />discuss him with friends<br />worn paws, they won’t <br />let other kids play with him <br />shabby belly, they worship him <br />the way you would a first born.Martin Cordreynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-49993519243758416292009-12-11T16:23:09.814+01:002009-12-11T16:23:09.814+01:00Martin - there's a lovely gentleness to this, ...Martin - there's a lovely gentleness to this, and a quietness that suggests something sacred. You might not need to have 'open' with 'bead eyes'? And 'faded tummy'; the word 'tummy' hits an odd register for me, though it might be that the phrase is a little flat, a little too general in comparison, e.g. with 'nibbled ears'.Lynne Reeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-18432480828681740842009-12-10T17:02:51.975+01:002009-12-10T17:02:51.975+01:00Small teddy bear
golden fur, they leave it
discr...Small teddy bear<br /><br />golden fur, they leave it <br />discreetly on their shelf<br />nibbled ears, they let dust <br />settle gently on his head<br />tartan ribbon, they both <br />kiss him goodnight<br />black lips, they leave him <br />too sleep in peace alone<br />open bead eyes, they never <br />discuss him with friends<br />brown paws, they won’t <br />let other kids play with him <br />faded tummy, they worship him <br />the way you would a first born,martin cordreynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-6872522263201471172009-12-08T22:17:04.423+01:002009-12-08T22:17:04.423+01:00Thanks for all the encouragement and appreciative ...Thanks for all the encouragement and appreciative comments. Always lovely to hear from friends old and new.<br /><br />Erin - I love your poem. It's a wonderful elegy that avoids any trace of sentimentality. Thanks so much for posting it.Lynne Reeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11852192697142140025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-50575413116565518732009-12-02T17:12:22.388+01:002009-12-02T17:12:22.388+01:00He didn’t say he was comfortable.
And he didn’t sa...He didn’t say he was comfortable.<br />And he didn’t say he wasn’t.<br />It was his sunken cheeks and purple lips, <br />his waxy hands, his cold waxy hands,<br />the reflection of white roses in his glasses,<br />his best suit, now too big for his body,<br />the lacquered box, his satin-lined bed,<br />and the stillness, the absolute quietest stillness<br />that said he was gone.<br />Only the passing of white tissues<br />—sorry white flags—<br />spoke for him.<br />He wasn’t there.<br />And he was.<br />He was talking, talking, talking,<br />surrendering.Erin Lee Warehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05980401218792645462noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-42763915413745618792009-11-29T21:18:01.692+01:002009-11-29T21:18:01.692+01:00Foarte interesant subiectul postat de tine. M-am u...Foarte interesant subiectul postat de tine. M-am uitat pe blogul tau si imi place ce am vazut.Cu siguranta am sa il mai vizitez.<br />O zi buna!Cioara Andreihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13477328124106483120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5409519305033642895.post-39549119746814326912009-11-20T04:33:01.216+01:002009-11-20T04:33:01.216+01:00Really a good one . Thanks for the post :-)Really a good one . Thanks for the post :-)Aditya Deadpanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08088388208976304255noreply@blogger.com