April Prize Poem

Working with form is an interesting process. It restricts by virtue of its pre-determined shape, yet it liberates because we can focus more on what we want to say, our ideas and language choices, rather than deliberating at length over the line breaks as we would during the making of a free verse poem.

In the poem prompt based on Gerald Manley Hopkins’ poem I said:

And of course the other important thing is to write about something that will be served by the form and rhyme I’m asking you to use.

And for this reason I’ve chosen ‘Peace of Mind’ by Mary Rose as April’s Prize Poem.

The poem is both a lament for someone lost (‘amid grieving’) and a poem of perseverance in the face of that grief (‘the only way’). It bears witness to the strength of the human spirit, but does not idealise it, as the last line movingly states: ‘the blessing of night’ brings relief from the harsh situation that the light of day all too glaringly reveals.

The long third lines in each stanza are particularly effective in this poem as they both contain ‘lists’ and the accumulation of the items adds to the atmosphere of someone keeping busy.

I also admire the line break after ‘peace to be won/’ – the fall to the next line works very well with the emotion expressed there as well as slowing us down as readers to feel the impact of what is said.

I wasn’t sure, at first, about the title – is it too familiar a phrase, verging on cliché, perhaps? But when I read the poem again I realised how the familiar phrase is being concretised by the poem, and that the activity of gardening IS the peace of mind the poet seeks, although what is also interesting about this poem is that there’s no specific point of view. For me this choice contributes to the universality of the poem: the poem was written in response to one particular person’s grief yet we are all included, we have our own memories of keeping going, or we feel comforted by the fact that we are not, or we will not be, alone.

Many congratulations, Mary Rose. Your prize will be in the post next week.

Peace of mind

It’s a garden for today
where work waits to be done.
There’s a stream to keep clear, weeds to uproot, peace to be won
amid grieving, the only way.

There’s a bonfire to light,
seeds to be sown,
plenty to leave for another day, edges to trim and grass to be mown.
First the blessing of night.

Mary Rose

April Poem Prompt 3 – Using Models

Artists do it all the time: they copy master paintings to learn how to achieve particular approaches and effects. So why not writers? I suppose we might be concerned that we’ll lose our own voice; that we’ll be a parody of another poet, that we won’t be original. And yes, there’s the risk of all those things, but think about what we might learn about form, language, sound and image by using a poem we admire as a model; what we might gain in the long term will surely outweigh the risk of any temporary absence of authenticity.

Here’s a poem by Gerard Manley Hopkins:

Heaven-Haven

A Nun Takes the Veil

I have desired to go
Where springs not fail,
To fields where flies no sharp and sided hail
And a few lilies blow.

And I have asked to be
Where no storms come,
Where the green swell is in the havens dumb,
And out of the swing of the sea.


Manley Hopkins uses full end-rhyme (go/blow, fail/hail, be/sea, come/dumb) yet the rhymes don’t dominate the poem because of the structure of abba and cddc, the rhythm of the longer 3rd line in each stanza, and some enjambment: notice that there’s no punctuation at the end of the 3rd line in the 1st stanza so there’s no heavy pause on hail and we can read across to the next line and come to a stop at the end of that.

I also like the repetition of I have (I can feel the personal incantation in those lines), while his wonderful alliteration asks to be read aloud over and over again: notice the use of s and f and l which unify the poem so it becomes a tightly crafted song, or a prayer, or even a spell.

My challenge to you is to write a poem using this one as a model. You’ll need to have:

1. two four line stanzas rhyming abba, cddc
2. a longer third line in each stanza
3. a short phrase that’s used in each stanza
4. some alliteration to add music to the poem, but not deafen it!
5. at least one enjambed line

However, don’t resort to the inverted syntax that Manley Hopkins uses to accommodate the rhyme. To fields where flies no sharp and sided hail would be more naturally expressed today as To fields where no sharp and sided hail flies and it’s important that our poems sound like contemporary poems, not parodies of earlier traditions.

And of course the other important thing is to write about something that will be served by the form and rhyme I’m asking you to use. I mentioned ‘song’ and ‘spell’ above and you might like to explore those ideas: what could be celebrated in a short song, what kind of spell could you cast? But these are only suggestions; feel free to work with whatever feels appropriate to you.

As we’re quite close to the end of the month, I won’t be choosing April’s Prize Poem until the end of the first full week in May, so you have until 9th May to post your poems to this or any other prompt.

March Prize Poem

I’m torn between three poems this month: Alyss Dye’s ‘Scarves on the Stairs’, Wisty’s ‘Pool’, and Margaret Beston’s ‘Journey’. They’re all very different with regard to subject matter and form, and I like them all for different reasons.

In Alyss’s poem a mother talks about her daughter’s departure from the house. The words earthquake, debris and muddle effectively describe the mess the daughter leaves in her wake, but apply equally as well to the mother’s emotional muddle about a young woman who once needed her guidance so much. In ‘Pool’, Wisty trusts the imagery to show nature’s ability to restore itself after humankind’s destructive interventions. The pool becomes symbolic of peace, reinforced by the image of the ‘flag’ growing at its edge, and the last line – like wings – lifts us as readers, with joy, with hope perhaps. Margaret Beston’s ‘Journey’ is relentless and sinister. The use of the command form, the repetition of familiar phrases, and the objectification of the ‘bodies’ shake me as a reader and I can’t help but think about the London Underground bombings of a few years ago.

In the end, after poems satisfy at the level of craft, then personal preference comes into play, and for this reason, I’ve chosen Wisty’s ‘Pool’. I love the economy of this poem, its rhythm and internal rhymes. The precise description draws me into the scene and atmosphere, but this isn’t just a pretty picture, it makes me think too. And the ideas of redemption and restoration are ones that touch me.

Congratulations, Wisty. I don’t have any contact details for you so if you’d like to send me your postal address (lynne@lynnerees.co.uk) I’ll send you your prize. Allow a week or so for it to arrive as it’ll be coming from France.

Pool

hidden
amongst sallows
and sedge
a pool
where once a bomb
pitted this marsh
now green blades
pierce its rim
and petals
of yellow flag
open
like wings

Wisty